Heart Cry

Having my kids in college has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life.  When they first left it was almost as if they had died.  The empty place at the table, the hollow room, the quiet, all left a gaping hole in my heart.  And those are only the minor issues. 

Sometimes I long to be back in the preschool season of life.  Those years seemed so easy compared to now.  Life was so much simpler then.  Yet, in the midst of that stage there were days I felt overwhelmed.  At times, something inside just snapped and it spilled out in angry yelling or total discouragement sinking into depression.

That was when God spoke to me through the Christmas story so directly.   Not to say He hasn't met me since, most assuredly He has, but this passage I'm about to share with you now will always grip my heart.  These thoughts might be familiar to you, but they are some which God knew I needed that day, and now once again, I cling to them . . . to Him. 

 I was reading the account of Mary when the angel came to tell her she would bear the Messiah.  (Luke 2:28-38)  The words popped off the page at me. "Greetings, you who are highly favored!  The Lord is with you." And later in the passage, "Do not be afraid Mary, you have found favor with God."

Mary was not the only one in God's favor.  Under grace, I too held God's favor.  Oh how I needed to be reminded of that truth!  God was for me, not against me.  I knew it in my head, but in that season had a hard time believing it in my heart.  Some days I felt God had abandoned me to this thing called motherhood, though I knew it was not true.  He had not and does not leave us alone.

Mary's response was that she was greatly troubled and asked, "How can this be?"  Likewise, I felt total inadequacy to raise my children, lifting my tightly clenched fists in anger at God, asking the same question, "How can I possibly be the right mom for these kids?  How can I ever raise them when I fail so miserably, over and over?  I can't do this."  I thought it was why God didn't entrust me with more children, because I was a bad mom.  Not true, but I believed it none the less.

The angel responds to Mary's question with, "The Holy Spirit . . ."  And God was telling me that HE would raise these children.  It was not all up to me.  The power of the Holy Spirit could direct them in the right path.  God was big enough to enable me, and to guide them in truth.  The angel tells Mary, "For nothing is impossible with God."  Nothing.  Even as we raise our children, God has His best interest in mind for them.  He is working out His good plan in their hearts as well as ours.

But I must depend on Him.  When I strive and strive to make them turn out right, forcing conformity to my agenda, I only push them away.  I must surrender control over to the Lord, just as Mary responded with, "May it be to me as you have said."  That was the hard part.  Opening my clenched fist and letting loose of my children. 

It doesn't mean that I did nothing to train them in righteousness, or did not discipline them.  Far from it.  I continued to teach them, considering it a grave responsibility, but sought to keep my dependence on God's sovereign power over their lives.

Now, in this season of life, I cry out to God once again.  Never before have I prayed with such intensity for my children.  Never before have I felt so utterly dependent on God's power to direct them in the way they should go.

When they were small their whole lives were before them and it seemed there was a lot of time to mold and shape.  But once they are older, some of the reaping comes to fruition and what was sown in younger years, now shows itself.  Much of that fruit is good.  But I struggle when my own weaknesses are often exaggerated in my children.  Time is up and what's done has been done.  There is no going back.  The responsibility weighs heavy.

It is tempting to take credit for the good in our children, thinking we, as their parents, were the ones who produced that.  But we have no idea how a prayer said in silence when no one knew and only God heard has fought for the lives of our children against the evil one. The prayers of their grandparents and the benefits of godly generations past, might be what has kept them.  No, it is not up to us, nor is it because of us, that our children grow successful in character and life.  It is only God working out His purposes in them.

Once again I cling to this passage of Scripture, crying out with Mary, "May it be to me as you have said."  My hand, which so readily wants to grip tightly, must be coaxed open.  Only as my own heart is in right relationship with God can my life be used to positively impact my children.  But mostly, I let go, resting in the fact that God knows what He is doing.  Can God be trusted with them?  Of course.  Easy to say, but hard to live.  He is big enough to carry out His purposes in our lives . . . and in our children.

Faith trumps fear.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am...
How many times have you heard me cry out
And how many times have you given me strength...
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.  
(by Plumb)

Not in the Plan

I am so thankful for God's loyal, devoted, tenacious love.  His discipline comes, but He guards His people as a mother bear over her cubs. 

I'm facing some trials today, perhaps God's discipline, but am encouraged because I know that this too will pass and that I am still the apple of God's eye.  These difficulties looming big are only for a little while, and next year I can look back on this time and say, "Remember when . . . "   If I can keep the right perspective, it makes all the difference.  (1 Pet. 1:6,7)

We had a busy weekend hosting people almost non-stop.  I did that to myself on purpose, thinking that to have all the parties together at once would save me all the housecleaning and activity planning drawn out over several weeks.  I had reserved the time from here on out to just enjoy the season and have a quiet Christmas. 

However, God's plans are not often our plans.  My basement has flooded and we are still trying to find the source to the problem.  Carpet possibly ruined, soggy boxes, and stuff thrown everywhere.  This all happened as we were were about to step out the door last night for a Christmas party.  I'm so thankful my son was here to run the shop vac and sop up the worst of it. 

I've been made aware at how much we use water for everything!  So now dirty dishes cannot be washed, no showers taken, (excuse us if we smell), and minimal use of toilets.  Laundry calls, but is being ignored.  Although it is quite soggy as well from its pile on the floor.  My husband is working hard to find the source of the problem and fix it.  He's pretty good at that sort of thing.

Why do I tell you all this?  Because I want you to see that real life happens.  Sometimes you might get the impression that I live in a spiritual cloud.  I am generally a serious person and like to think deeply, perhaps differently would be a better word, circular verses linear.  I am rejuvenated by time alone, not by socialization.  And so my posts reflect that.  Plus I am still learning how to write.  It does not come naturally to me.

Yet, God knows each of us completely.  He knows what we need in our lives to shape us into His likeness, to build His character in us.  I don't really like these days of trials, but also know that they do not arrive by accident.  Nothing takes God by surprise and He must know this is what we need right now. 

I told you in my last post that I was going to share with you something God revealed to me through the Christmas story.  Well, this post is not that post, but it could certainly apply.  Maybe secretly I've been stalling to tell you that lesson because it requires that I be vulnerable.  It is a challenge to discern what would be beneficial to you and how much to "guard my heart".   And it requires risk, which is never easy to take.

In the meantime I must work on the immediate urgent need and well, probably find my way to a laundromat and get my daughter to her play practice and performance tonight.  I'm so thankful no one is sick, we have snow (yes!), the main level of my house is all intact, and my daughter is coming home from college in three days!  Whoo Hoo!  She might have to sleep on the couch until we get the water out of the basement, but oh well.  Memories are in the making. 

 

The Familiar Story

Yeah, yeah, we all know the story.  Shepherds, angels, a baby. . .  same ol' thing every year at this time.  Sometimes that can be our approach to the Bible stories we've become so familiar with.

Yet, I wonder, have you ever read the Christmas story when it was not the holiday season?  Try it sometime and see if you do not gain a fresh perspective on the scenes.  Maybe the Bible seems to be dry as burnt toast.  It is not meant to be that way, ever.  We must first have put our faith in Christ, but then after that, our approach and attitude towards it makes all the difference.

The Word of God is living, active, and powerful.  It can be that way in our lives as we come to the Bible with expectation, understanding that through it God reveals Himself to us.  I do not read the Bible only to gather information about God, or to discover truth.  Rather, I come to the Word expecting to meet heart to heart with the living God.

When I read an account from the Bible, familiar or not, I understand it as God's personal message to me for that day.  This is why I cannot emphasize enough the importance of systematic study of the Scriptures.  Devotional books and commentaries are good tools, but are only man's opinions.  Do I look to God or to the tools?  Try looking only to God and the bare Scriptures, no tools, and see if God does not satisfy your soul.

The Christmas story is so rich with meaning.   We can't brush it off as only an interesting story or pivotal history.   Yet, to get beyond the surface, God must reveal His truth to us.  We can read a passage over and over and never really see until God makes it known to us.  This is why prayer is so important.  We are utterly dependent on the Spirit of God to disclose the Word to us.

The Word of God is so precious to me, because through it, I commune with my Heavenly Father in intimate whispers as lovers share secrets.

I love teaching this Word to others, especially children.   But we do them a disservice by only giving them the story without weaving its message within.  No wonder many adults of today recall with disdain their days of Sunday School and consider church a chore.  Often the stories were taught without passion and life giving revelation by the Spirit of God.

We cannot compete with the fast paced entertainment of today.  However, prayer is more powerful than any entertaining program for it is "not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the LORD Almighty."  (Zech. 4:6)   Are our children getting the message that to study the Word is an encounter with God Himself?

The Christmas story is not worn out unless we make it that way.   Rather, it is filled with life, but we must ask, seek, and turn our hearts toward Him.  Next post I want to share with you an example of  how God met me through the Christmas story and continues to do so.  Ever living is His Word.  Love it.  Love Him.

"In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God."  (John 1:1)

Good Will To Men

I came home from the grocery store yesterday quite peeved.  It put me in a bad mood and as soon as I stepped in the door of my house, I blathered to my husband about my woes. 

Before the store I had been at a meeting I didn't care to be at.  A meeting which drained me of energy but was totally unneccesary.   I was only there because it was required by my school district.  After that I stopped to return an overdue book at the library and pay my fees, which never makes me very happy.  It was then that I made my stop at the grocery store. 

All I wanted was strawberries.  I needed them for my french toast breakfast I would be making for the Girl's Bible study Saturday morning.  I was on a 'spiritual mission'.  But the store was out of strawberries.  Grrrrr.  It was getting late and I had no dinner plan.  It had been a crazy day and I was exhausted, so I thought I would pick something up from the deli. 

The lady in front of me was indecisive, taking forever, so I waited patiently, all the while thinking, "How badly do I really want this?  Is it worth my wait?"  When it was finally my turn to make a request, another lady appeared out of no where, cut in front of me, and voiced her order.  I gave up, but not in a quiet reserved sort of way.  I simply left the scene in a huffy flourish. 

The lady noticed and sort of apologized, but I told her never mind, it was okay, I was done, and we parted ways.  Talk about elementary behavior!  I was being a total jerk about the whole thing, and over such a trivial thing as chicken!  I was so glad I was not wearing my 'Jesus' button.  (We had received buttons in church last Sunday to wear so that others would be pointed to Him during this season.) 

I've been memorizing the book of 1st Peter lately and it has been transforming my life.  Although you wouldn't know it by the scenario I just described!  But I just finished chapter one and was feeling rather smug about it when today I started chapter two, and wouldn't you know it.  God must have a sense of humor in these things, for the verses spoke convicting of this very scenario. 

"Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind."  (1 Pet. 2:1) Wow, that "slander of every kind" got to me.  I used to think it was okay to gossip or bad talk others as long as it was only to my husband.  But in later years I've been convicted of that, and here I had come home from the store, slandering the other lady. 

The passage goes on to say, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual food, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."  (1 Pet. 2:2) I certainly needed to grow up.  I was acting very childish, having my little tantrum, and God simply wanted me to grow up.  How do I do that?  By craving the Word of God.  Getting back to not just reading the Scriptures, but really studying them, digesting them, and applying them in my everyday life.  

'Tis the season for good will to all men.  As we rush about our days, often in a flurry of annoying drivers, long lines, exasperated moms (such as myself), and tight schedules, I have to remember that the things I think are so important, often are not.  What matters is, am I living in right relationship with God?  Am I treating others in such a way that He is lifted high?  Am I being a worthy representative of Christ?  And if I am mistreated, do I simply react with my natural instincts, or respond by the supernatural power of God?  What opportunities I waste by my own selfishness and pride.

Praying I do a lot better in the future to create a little more of that peace on earth, good will to men. There is hope, for often God uses us in spite of ourselves and I know I am forgiven.   His favor, grace, rests on me still. 

The Tree

The tree has long been part of the Christmas tradition for most households, but have you ever stopped to think, "Why do we put trees in our houses this time of year?"  I'm aware that the tree has secular origins, but we do not view it that way today.  Instead, the tree can be used as opportunity to see a snapshot of God's redemptive plan.  We are a celebrating people with much to rejoice over. 

Each year our family tromps through the woods searching for the perfect tree.  It takes years for a tree to grow in our climate, not like the wet soil of Oregon where a forest grows quickly, almost like weeds.  And so the sacrifice is great.  But herein lies the first lesson of the tree.

The tree has spent years making a start on life and has just gotten established in its root system when we decide to cut it down only to display in our house for a month.  It seems such a trivial cause for such a great sacrifice.  Likewise, Jesus was just reaching His prime when He was cut off from life and descendants, but His life was not a waste.  It was given so we might know God with us, Christmas in our hearts.  

The trek to get the tree is always a bit fearsome.  We drive to the hills where the altitude is considerably higher and then go off road where the snow pack can be treacherous, or in some cases, the mud is soft and worse than the snow for sliding.  After we've hiked around for some time it is quite a feat to all agree on the same tree, but usually mom's choice is the trump card.

I'm reminded that God chose Jesus since before the creation of the world to be our Savior from sin, to die for us.  Jesus had to climb the hill of Golgotha, a hill that took great effort, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  Jesus risked all for our sakes.  He held nothing back.

We tie our tree to the car or trailer and secure it so it will not fall off on the ride home.  So Jesus was secured to the cross.  He could have removed Himself from it with just a word from His mouth, but He chose to cling to it, for our sake.

Then as that tree is set upright in our house I'm reminded that all of Scripture points toward the cross of Christ and our great salvation.  His coming was humble, simple . . . His death bare and brutal, yet set in a place for all to see.

The branches then become a support for everything else, the lights, the ornaments, the beads, the tinsel, and even the cranberries with popcorn.  So all the law and the prophets hang from Jesus in His fulfillment of them and death on the cross.  Jesus supports all that weight.

Jesus, the Light of the world, shines brightly in a dark place.  

 Just one drop of His blood can wash our sins away.

And we are made white as snow.

Jesus, the King of Kings, reigns in our hearts and is the center. 

He is our source of joy.

It was for people Jesus came, for all of us.

And the Father of lights takes great delight in His children.
He gives good and perfect gifts.

Angels guard our steps and were the first to proclaim the good news.  They long to look into this great salvation that is offered us.  

And so our Christmas tree is yet another reminder of what God has done for us.  I'm not saying that everything about our celebration has to have spiritual meaning.  We have traditions and do things just for fun and beauty as well.  But the tree can easily be used as a teaching tool and aid in family worship of our Creator.

This tree, which comes from the forest of winter, we find among the ashen, who have been stripped of glory, laid bare in their branches.  Without Christ, we are left to winter's bleak outlook.

But Jesus . . .  is life eternal.

The Christmas tree in all its decorated grandeur reminds us of the glory of Christ.  He laid all of heaven's splendor aside to be born in the lowliest of places, but God has exalted Him to the highest place.  Someday we will see His full glory.  Yet even now He reveals glimpses of His glory if we have eyes to see.

Our traditions can be used to make God big in front of our children, opening their hearts to God's character and marvelous work, stimulating worship of Him.

Come, let us adore Him.    

Tuned In

I was in a store yesterday on a mission for something very specific and ordinary.  I had a very small time slot in which to get said item and was in a terrible rush, not exactly a spiritual moment for me.  But suddenly, I became very aware of the song being pumped through the speaker system. 

Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.  Distinct and clear the vocals were singing in a large secular department store.  Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.   And right there in the midst of commercialized everything, from santa to snowmen, from crackers to candy, my heart was tuned heavenward and I lingered to hear the rest of that song. 

For starters I was shocked that a store of that nature would be playing such a song.  It really caught my attention.  So too, I was overjoyed that the gospel message was being proclaimed so strong and clear.  My thoughts jumped with longing to the day when "the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea." (Hab. 2:14) I cannot wait for that day!

Last of all, that song is one of my favorites because of the words.  Mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die. . . no more may die. . . no more may die.   No wonder the angels sang with such fervor!  What a message they had for mankind.  What good news!   It was ten years ago today that my mom passed away.  It was then that this song was really brought to life for me.  Often the tears come not for sadness, but for wonder, to think that she now lives in the very presence of God!  Wow!  I can scarcely fathom such an awesome experience.  I know that she sings still.  

Sometimes worship does not flow in the everyday because I'm waiting for the mood to be just right, or trying to create the right setting.  But worship is not about warm feelings or intensity, only about being tuned in to heaven.  As we go about our way we don't have to let the commercial setting keep us from contented joy in worship.  If we are tuned into the frequency of the throne room, our hearts can always be lifted upward, no matter what might be going on around us. 

Veiled in flesh the Godhead see, hail the incarnate Deity, pleased as man with men to dwell, Jesus our Emmanuel. . . God. With. Us.  Christmas was my mom's favorite, and as I remember her today I can't think of a better way than to join the throng in heaven singing, "to Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!"  (Rev. 5:13)

(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing by Charles Wesley)

Chilling Out

I have a love/hate relationship with the holiday season.  I love the rich meaning, but despise the expectations which all seem to end up on the shoulders of mom.  But this year I'm intentionally chilling out.  Yes, you heard me right, chilling out.  It's not that I have less to do.  I'm just seeking to take it in stride and have given myself permission to let some things be undone.  Life will go on. 

Rather than perfect gifts, fancy meals, or an immaculately clean house, I just want to enjoy my family and be together.  So many years I've not really taken in the season because I've been so busy making it perfect.  It's perfect alright, so perfect that it turns up empty as I've allowed the externals to take the foreground.  But I don't want to simply get through the holidays, I want to really savor them and take in their message.

Christmas is one of my favorite times to worship because there are so many visuals and illustrations which point me to Jesus.  As I study the Scriptures my heart is swept up into them.  I'm so glad God chooses to reveal Himself to us.  Think of it.  We do not really discover truth, rather we study and God reveals truth by His Spirit.  Wow!  God is so incredibly personal.  I love that about Him.

There is one part of the Christmas story which has always been dear to me, because God used it to meet me in a time of great personal need.  Once again its message applies to my life this day in very real ways.  It is a balm for my soul.  I hope to share that with you soon.  The Scriptures are so rich and so precious. 

Yet, there are some years when I've just wanted to crumple up and cry, when I realize what I've made of this holiday.  How it must hurt God when we let it become so shallow, so meaningless, so trivial.  I'm trying hard not to let that happen.  Just as Israel waited expectantly for their Messiah, so we wait, expecting to meet Him, anticipating the glory He may reveal to us.

As we anticipate some busy days ahead I trust we can chill out, even spend some extra time with the Lord, and truly worship.  Don't let the season slip away without time in His presence.  It would be a shame to miss His glory or the rich meaning of the season.