Moving On

Have you ever gone fishing?  Fishing in the depths for regrets long forgiven?   I've been reading a book which has forced me to identify the source of my muck and though the author is right, I don't like it.  Why must three quarters of a book be used to diagnose the problem?  Perhaps to bring the reader so low that she is very ready for the solution!  Shame has tormented my thoughts as I've mulled over mistakes of the past.

Saturday night I could not sleep and so got up to pray.  The next day, God answered my cry with a message so direct to my need I can scarcely contain it.  Not once, but quadrupled.

While at church, these words on the screen spoke truth to me.  The first service I let them soak into my soul.  The second service I knew they were coming, and so tried to write them down.

I am in Christ.
He is in me.
I am a new creation.

Call [mistakes] what they are.
Old patterns.
I will move on.
                                 
In Christ I am
        Holy.
        Pure.
        Without blemish.

Shame has no place in my life
because of who I am in Christ.

The ugly parts of my story
have been redeemed.

My past
does not define me.

I am His child,
of whom He is well pleased.  

That was the gist of it anyway.  I couldn't write fast enough to get it all down.  Yet God had more for me in those moments of worship.

I was sitting on the end of a vacant row near the front, making it difficult to pass the sacraments of communion to the person sitting on the far end.  And so the man serving, graciously walked around the row of chairs to deliver a cup of juice just for me.  I felt a little embarrassed, but at the same time honored, that he should take such effort to attend to my need.

In that gesture, I sensed God holding out the cross, asking me to simply accept His blood sufficient to cover my shame.  He was indicating that it was for me. . .personally. . . His eyes looking right into mine.  He wanted me to receive and then live free.  Free of shame and regret.

In the message to follow I was reminded that God didn't save me only to cleanse the muck.  No, He delivered me for great purpose.  And it gets even better than that.  We are allowed glimpses of His glory for our comfort and courage to face what lies ahead.   Furthermore, we are being transformed into His likeness.  God Himself is changing who I am.  Less regret.  More reflection of His glory.

I'm forever grateful God saved me but even sweeter is the fellowship I can have with Him in this moment by His Spirit.  I love His personal presence enveloping me, sweeping me up in intimate whispers.  This is the real Jesus, not the distant, made up one, I had recently contrived in my mind.  I want to be "fully awake" to the Holy Spirit within me that I might not ever miss seeing God's glory.  (Luke 9:32)

"The Son is the radiance of God's glory,
 and the exact representation of His being, 
sustaining all things by His powerful word."  Heb. 1:3