Do You Care?

I'm in this sea and I'm sinking.  In the middle of its depths, the safety of the shore far behind, I find the point of no return.  At the same time the banks ahead seem so far away.  Lord, don't you care that I'm drowning?  At o'dark thirty this morning, my husband read these words over breakfast and they awoke me right up from my grogginess.  (Mk. 4:38)

Why?  Because only yesterday I delivered a talk to a group of women on crossing our Jordan.  I spoke of living on that plane of faith, the realm of fighting giants and waging war.  But whenever I deliver a message or prepare a Bible study, it always pertains to what I am going through at the present time.  Always.  God sees to it. 

After yesterday's drama I felt exposed.  Did I say the right thing?  Was my personification of the characters foolish?  Did I say too much?  Or, I should have said it this way instead.  All these self-doubts began to weigh me down.  I wanted to hide and so I did. 

I ran up a mountain, appropriately named, The Liberty Cap.  The only car at the trail head, I was alone with my mountain.  Near the top, in the shade of those mighty cliffs, the air feels different.  Somehow the cliffs emit an intimacy which brings a hushed awe over the one still enough to listen.  There God revealed to me the answer. 

I knew, without doubt, that God had divinely appointed me to this speaking task.  I had great faith while in the preparation process and exercised faith in the delivery.   He even allowed me to see that His Spirit was indeed moving in the hearts of the women.  But now I must exercise faith on the other side and believe that it was just what He willed.  I must get past feeling stupid and believe that I was a tool in God's hands for His glory. 



The rest of this week looms large before me, and to look at it causes me to feel overwhelmed before the day scarcely begins.  But God whispers, "Believe.  Only do the next thing, and I will take care of the results. Take a step.  Trust Me."  

Surely, the path of the Lord "leads through the mighty waters--a pathway no one knew was there."  (Psa. 77:19)  His way is not around the obstacles, but rather right through the middle of them.  And as I step in faith, only placing one foot in front of the other, He opens up the way before me.  It is a way that I cannot see, but, none the less, remains, for He is with me. That is all that matters.

Yes, God does care.  He can calm the turbulent waves, but even more importantly, He quiets my heart in the midst of them.  I trust Him to sustain me through the rest of this week, through every task set before me.  I cling to Him while He holds me fast.  

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty."  Psa. 91:1