In House

I never thought an empty house would be this way . . . so fitful.  When my children were small, I craved large segments of time, but now that I have it, I scarcely know where to begin.  I have quilts to finish, Bible lessons to write, weeds to pull, a house to organize, trails to hike, clubs to teach, girls to disciple, and a conscience that continually shouts, "Work!"  Yet, I think God is telling me the opposite. 

God has been closing doors that I had intended to pursue, making some decisions easy for me.  I believe He is calling me instead, to rest.  Not the recreational type of rest, but the Hebrews four kind of rest.  Simple obedience.  Simple trust.  Rest.

Years ago I had no doubt that God had given me a dream, a calling to fulfill.  Since then its been buried in disappointment, giants of discouragement which whacked me up the side of the head, leaving me reeling in confusion.  Now I wonder if God is not giving me this time to seek Him, to discern whether the vision was my own endeavor or truly of God.

If of God, I must press on, for I do not want a hardened heart.  But if not, I need to know that all the effort already expended was not wasted, because there is nothing worse than feeling useless.

In recent days a very old struggle has resurfaced. . . this feeling of missing children.  Years ago, when faced with the gap in my family, I thought I was over it.  But latest developments have caused it to hurt again.  Why do we take credit for our children, as if our own hands formed them in the womb?  Why is one child placed here and another there?  Only by the will of God, for He is the builder of families.  And we are only servants within them.

I've been comforted by Hebrews three where God speaks of Moses, entrusted with God's house, but not the creator of it.  Moses remained a faithful servant so he might be an illustration of truths God would reveal later.

I believe God is calling me to serve Him within my own household.  Whether that's warm banana bread after school, a sit down dinner, an orderly house, or a letter in the mail.  It sounds so simple, but making a house a home is not an easy thing to do.

Faithfulness in the home has its reward.  But maybe there is more to it than that.  We illustrate God's truth to a watching world, for our homes are not the only places that crave stability.  The chaos of the world seeks a haven as well, the testimony of one man to one woman, and the light of a family that is whole. 

Shades of grace, hues blending from palest pink to burning fire, are ever present.   I cling to them for they are evidence of God's Spirit alive in our hearts.  He will complete the good work He started.  God is my refuge.  His love continues to pursue.