"She put in all she had," was God's response to the widow placing her two bits into the treasury. (Mark 12:44) And God would ask me to pour out my life . . . my time, my expenses, my energy, into love of others. Lavishly love, giving all that I have. A love which does not require a response, a love which does not make demands or force. A love that does not abandon those under my care when they are scattered.
I'm reminded at how fragile is my ego and how deceitful is my heart. When I'm rattled or when things do not turn out as I think they should, discouragement sets in. Love does not retaliate when hurt . . . but it does hurt. However, that hurt is often because my own image was wounded rather than really caring about the welfare of others. It is such a fine line easily crossed.
I've been at the end of myself the last few days and weeks, but it is a good place to be. The nearness of God has been the exchange, and I would not trade it for anything. His Word has been so very active in my life, piercing deeply into my soul. My God is not dead, but is surely alive, living on the inside. What could possibly be better than that?
As I've been studying the book of Esther I've been so encouraged, seeing some things I never saw before and perhaps most importantly, they are applicable to my life, now, today . . . the very words of God to my heart for my present situation.
Is my life going great right now? No, in fact I've just experienced some setbacks and doubts. I've wanted to throw in the towel and call it quits. But life is good because my relationship with God is good..
. . .growing.
And when it comes down to it, isn't that the main thing? All God requires of me is to live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with Him. (Micah 6:8) How others respond, the results, they are up to God, not me because it does not depend on me. Sometimes I think it does. My ego would want to think that. But God is working on hearts even if they do not fit my formula for how that should happen. It is His business.
You may have noticed that I didn't get my Friday post out this week. This is the fourth post I've tried to write and I think I've finally gotten the right one. As I pour out my life I'm reminded of the One who gave His life for me, and how many times I rejected His love before responding to Him. If my Savior so gave, should I give any less?
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