Thursday, July 26, 2012

Something Special

This summer has been a struggle as I seek to discern the voice of God on some big decisions.  Meanwhile there has been turmoil in my heart and in my family regarding the upcoming adjustments fast approaching.  Emotions are close to the surface, and I wonder, "What will our new normal be like?" Or the real question, "How do we as parents establish a new normal for our kids remaining at home after our nest has been shaken in half with college?"

I don't have all the answers, but I do know it will help tremendously if I am available to be mom.  Many of the decisions I have been mulling over regard my involvement within my local church.   Receiving the Word but never contributing, never giving to the body of Christ in the use of our spiritual gifts results in a stagnant life.  But on the flip side of that concept, a person can do too much.  I must remember the wisdom of Solomon, "to everything there is a season," and David's comments about life reminding us that a "tree yields its fruit in season." (Eccles. 3:1; Psa. 1:3)  I think God is asking me to lay aside some of my outside ministry to fulfill my primary calling of wife and mom.

Inside each of us is a longing to be part of something special, to make a difference and to have a niche or calling we are carrying out.  But wait.  As 'just' a wife and mom sometimes I don't feel like it is all that special.  Sometimes I believe the lie that I need to be a teacher, a writer, a retreat speaker etc. to be making a difference. 

I'm reminded of a scene from the movie, Independence Day.   A husband and wife who have been separated for many years end up working closely together on a 'save the earth from certain annihilation' rescue project.  In an alone moment the ex wife tells her former husband that she never stopped loving him but just wanted to be part of something special, as in her dream career.  He then delivers the punch line, "Oh, but I was part of something special."  

God has given me a husband and four children.  Some days I wonder if I am really the right wife or mom for these individuals, but I do know that I am part of something special, an intact traditional family.  It is a rare commodity in our culture.  I'm trying to accept that laying aside some of the ministries I've been involved in is okay.  In fact it is crucial in order to maintain what is best, the precious lives of those in my family. 

This summer it has been such a treat for me to be part of a women's Bible study.  I'm normally the one teaching a Bible study, preparing lessons, keeping the conversation on topic, etc.  But I've fallen in love with these ladies as we've shared our heart over the weeks.  I wish I could continue in the fall but well, there's that homeschool thing that must take priority.  And there are some high school and middle school girls who have stolen my heart.  I hope to return to them. 

But one thing Priscilla Shirer speaks of in her study, He Speaks To Me, is on being a servant, even if it means my discomfort.  I've really been searching my soul about my obedience.  Is it conditional?   I'll serve you God if its what I want to do or makes me look good, but I really don't want to serve if it means doing the laundry and especially not if it means training my children to work because, groan, it's so much work!  I'd rather do it myself.  Am I willing to do what God asks no matter how I feel about it?  Or do my emotions rule my life? 

When I do not surrender in obedience I am not letting "the peace of Christ rule in my heart." (Col. 3:15)  Instead I invite unrest.   I must go in the direction God leads no matter what others think, for only in obedience to God will I know His peace.  Sigh.  Glorious rest. 

I am part of something special, for God deems the family of highest value.  How can I ever think keeping a home is trivial?  While writing this my younger children are in the kitchen making play doh for a project.  I think I will go see how they are coming along.  And my husband?  Well, he has a birthday next week, along with his twin.  I can't forget him . . . or her.  Hmmmm, as much as I dislike shopping, especially for men, I'm thinking I need to hit the stores for that special gift.  And my mind is concocting a dinner that might suit his fancy.  Enough talk, time to live the walk. 

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